| By :
Mark Etinger
Scandal had a good year in 2011. Then again, when does scandal have a bad year? Regardless, the vacuous world of entertainment oozed with more puss for us, the public, to lap up. Let's talk celeb news 2011. Like every year, many celebrities were arrested for driving drunk or under the influence of drugs. Celebrities may be modern American gods but hey, even god has had a few too many and gotten behind the wheel, right? Obviously something was amiss when he (or she) invented the platypus. Sports also had an eventful year. Many teams won, while other lost. Don't worry about sports celebs they get the same whether they win or lose. Regardless of how much or how little they make they will lose it all in a pyramid scheme in the five year after they retire. Some people say it's the repeated blows to the head. Others say when you cost on you athleticism your whole life the rest of your mind atrophies. Regardless, this trend is sure to continue into 2012. Many celebrities also choose to have babies. This doesn't exactly strike me as newsworthy (neither does anything celebrity related) but it was reported on none the less. Most of these babies where ugly, some cute, many foreign. The trend of celebrities kidnapping (or adopting) babies from the third world is sure to continue. My predictions for 2012 Mogadishu, Monrovia, and Naypyidaw are going to see a rash in baby theft by celebs. Parents in these cities can only hope they have the privilege of having their child kidnapped by an American celebrity. 2011 saw some great political scandals as well. There was the revelation that Mitt Romney speaks French, the most un-American language since Arabic. John Huntsmen accidently let some Mandarin slip out during a debate. He had to resign from the primaries shortly thereafter. Newt Gingrich came out at a cheating, racist, gay basher (It's really more that he reaffirmed what we already knew). Another wonderful television moment was when Rick Perry said he would re-invade Iraq. You have got to adore political theater. Hopefully the political discourse will only grow uglier as we get closer to Election Day. It would make my life easier, and it doesn't seem like the negativity will let up anytime soon. What will 2012 hold? If we are lucky apocalypse, but it could be something much worse. Here is to the scandal makers of 2012, good luck guys!
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