| By :
Mark Etinger
If reading every Dashiell Hammett, Agatha Christie, and Raymond Chandler novel has taught me anything it is that being a detective is hard work. People are always out to double cross you, there is a high incidence of alcoholism in the profession, and you come into contact with some unsavory characters. Being a detective (especially an amateur one) can be costly as well. With electronics deals and savvy shopping however, you can defray the cost of vigilante justice. Every good detective knows that surveillance is key to running a proper investigation. With online shopping deals you can buy tiny cameras and sound recording devices so you can keep watch of your subjects at all time. You can use this footage later to confront criminals, coerce or blackmail them into compliance, or serve them on a platter to our judicial system. What I love about being an amateur detective is doing what the cops can't or won't do. Justice is blind so it only makes sense she would stab wildly at criminals in the vast darkness. Electronics deals are also important for any cyber investigating. This means looking at a criminal's Facebook page, MySpace page, and cross-referencing their name with the sex offender registry. If a kiddie diddler moves into my community I will know about it and I will watch his every move. I often wonder if we could bring the great detectives of old back to life how they would utilize online shopping deals and modern surveillance equipment. What if Sherlock Holmes had a camera-watch? What if Agatha Christie had an electrified baton? Criminals would be cowering in the streets and America would be home to 50% of the world's prison inmates (We currently are home to 25% of prison inmates and 5% of the population but I want to see that first number go up). Unlike revenge justice is dish best served scalding hot. When I was running an investigation as to who kept knocking down my birdfeeder I placed a digital camera in the window overlooking the tree where the birdfeeder is. After 3 days of rigorous investigatory work I found out it was a precocious squirrel. I captured that squirrel and sentenced him to 3 months hard time in my garage. He escaped after day 2 but he hasn't been back at the birdfeeder so I guess he learned it's for birds only. So for all the amateur detectives out there, I salute you. Keep serving up justice, until sold out.
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